07 March 2012

Fascinating Aida (Cheap Flights Tour) - Churchill Theatre Bromley, Sunday 4th March 2012

Fascinating Aida are:
Dilly Keane
Adele Anderson
Sarah-Louise Young
Hold on to your hats because Fascinating Aida are back on tour. They're lewd, they're crude and they're bloody funny. We had been due to go see them back in October last year, but because the tickets sold out much quicker than Him Indoors expected, we ended up going to see a load of old rubbish at the Union Theatre instead. Fortunately, a while back TightAsADucksArse saw that the tour was coming to Bromley and booked tickets so we eventually got to see it (over the intervening months there has been much discussion as to whether they would pay for the tickets although all hopes of ever getting something for nothing out of them were dashed during the interval). Neither of us were feeling particularly jolly, as we are both down with some kind of lurgy at the moment, and it didn’t help that the bus got to Bromley quicker than its ever done before and that the rainlashed High Street wasn't a wonderful place to spend 45 minutes - although getting there early did afford us the privilege of a seat in McDonalds watching all the local scary people have their Sunday evening meal. But a couple of hours in the company of Sweet FA, as they are known to their fans (well, me anyway) blew away the gloom.
If you've never seen FA before, I suppose they could be described as "comedy cabaret"- and better described as "three old bags and a piano". They do tend to attract what I would call "the HRT crowd" and there were certainly plenty of Ladies of a Certain Age hovering in the foyer, along with quite a few Husbands Dragged Along For The Evening and a fair number of Gentlemen Who Prefer The Company of Other Gentlemen. Whatever you do, don't take along any members of your family who are easily offended; as Dilly Keane said towards the end "We're not on TV because producers think we swear too much - but I don’t know what the fuck that's all about". Lets just say that their first number was called "Cunts" (that's Companies Using Nifty Taxation Scams") and the second their YouTube Hit "Dogging" and I think I need say no more. This is, of course, grist to the mill of the HRT Crowd, who spent the entire evening shrieking with laughter,  although Him Indoors did notice that the old cow next to him didn't appear to be very impressed by the rude song about Tesco – pursed lips, arms crossed, face like a smacked arse.  FA can get people that way, I find. Perhaps she was still pissed off that all those workshy layabout scum won’t be forced to stack shelves for free from now on. 

I was a little surprised that there was so much old material in what purports to be a new show - "Cheap Flights" itself is a tried and trusted number, "Sing in German" has been around in their act for yonks, as has "Let's go to a hotel" and “Dogging”, and I think there was at least one other number that I’ve heard them do before.  But who really cares?  They were on  stage for well over two hours and Dilly Keane can make me laugh by just raising one eyebrow (regular readers will remember that she was the hit of Cowardy Custard at the Greenwich Theatre last year).  One number, very near the end, which dealt with loss and how friendly faces at the table have been replaced by empty chairs, made me well up slightly and revise my choice of Music I Want Played As The Curtains Close, and I loved the number which closed the first half which took the complete piss out of rap music and which was called “Grey is the new Black”. 
The tour is only half done and there is still plenty of time to get tickets for some of the venues.  So if you’re feeling under the weather and in need of a good laugh at the expense of politicians, bankers, RyanAir and The X Factor, get yourself a ticket soon.